listening to: “Everybody Hurts” by REM
It has been a very introspective couple of days. I keep thinking about the things that Donald Miller said in his book and wondering if I can really make the changes in my life that I desire. Several times he wrote about trials in his life and coming to the resolution that he needed change. He prayed about whatever it was and sure enough, God moved in him and things got better. I’m not looking for an overnight solution, but I hope I can make strides toward what God wants for me as well.
Everybody hurts as the song says that’s playing in iTunes… Some of us don’t know what to do with those feeling of anger, regret, or loneliness and soon those feeling grow into something else and in turn people become something separate from the person that they once were. Donald Miller talked about growing up in the church and always hearing about the dark and evil world…that it was a horrible place and the people out there were just waiting to devour him, but once he found himself in the “lion’s den” so to speak, he realized that his “enemies” were just people like any other. Today, I find myself in a similar place…I grew up in a small town, on the far right republican, religious side of life, but living in close quarters with New Yorker’s who have a completely different belief spectrum than mine doesn’t scare me…rather my heart moves for them. Don’t misunderstand- I don’t feel pity because they live a different lifestyle than I do…but I can’t help but wonder what has brought them to where they are. Was there a time when they believed? What brought them to where they were? I know that some have been wronged by the Church and for that I feel embarrassed. The church historically has been far too intolerant of those that don’t believe the same as we do. I feel that we’ve made so many mistakes over the course of history that we likely will never be able to rectify the things that have been done. Yet in the end, the Lord will tarry…and all of this, ALL of it is His will, although I struggle to understand that.
With all of this said, my personal struggle is fairly simple- how do I connect with people? how do I show them unconditional love? My personality tends toward the quiet, reserved, and shy…so I’m struggling with how to break out of that in order to get to know those around me. Again, refering back to “Blue Like Jazz”, Don mentioned something that he did while planting a church that really impacted me- he went out of his way to love others, not so he could invite them to church, just for the sake of doing it. In turn God blessed him and the church did grow…but even if it didn’t, would his impact have been lessoned? I don’t think so. And that’s what I want…not to make friends in order to invite them to church, although that would be nice…more importantly, I just want to show them God’s love through my life and hopefully that will be enough. I am ready for those changes to happen, so that it may be so.
One final thought as I close this statement was in Blue Like Jazz and again in the church service this morning, it went something like this-
“Most Christians are told that they are to live for Christ in the world, when instead we should live in Christ for the world”
I hope and pray that tomorrow when I wake, I will take a small step toward dying to myself and living for others.