I don’t understand sleep sometimes. It seems that I can never get enough of it, yet whenever I actually try to go to bed at a decent time I always end up tossing and turning until inevitably I get up and stir around for a while until I can’t keep my eyes open any more and crash on the couch or bed. Unfortunately it always seems that these things happen when I actually have to wake up for something early in the morning- such is the case tonight.
With only 5 hours between me and my alarm clock, I’m up, wide awake. I laid in bed for a while trying to force it, but I eventually realized that it just wasn’t going to happen. So, I got up…and for a few brief moments I wrestled with why it was that I couldn’t sleep…was it the Taco Bell I had for lunch, the Pad Thai I had for dinner? (were the two dueling in my stomach?) Well, while that may be part of it, I soon began to wonder if it wasn’t God trying to get my attention.
I’ve been giving about every waking hour of the past week to ministry. If it wasn’t on the webpage(s), it was for the children’s ministry, the youth ministry, the sound equipment, etc, etc…while all of those things are good to think about, they have a tendancy of fighting for my attention over God himself which is the true reasoning behind it all. I get so caught up in the technical issues and forget about why I’m doing it. So…tonight, God has given me the chance to catch up.
I’ve been reading through Acts lately, just trying to get a better grasp of what the church is supposed to look like, but I’m still not too sure about anything. My questions are not complicated, but they remain hard to answer. I just want to know what the modern church in America should look like. Are we really where God wants us to be or have we drifted so far away that we can’t hear His voice over our own? Are we who he wants us to be? Am I who He wants me to be?
Reading about some of the early believers sometimes sends chills down my spine. No matter where they were, if God spoke they listened (and if they didn’t they were struck down!). God had a plan for even those (Paul) who persecuted believers. So, when I read those things, I wonder if God still speaks to people like that today? With all the distractions of “American life” that hit us everyday can we even hear God over the noise? Are we listening?
I hope that I am…and if/when I’m not, I pray that God gives me the chance to learn how…no matter what the hour may be.